Life is What You Make It

I ended my school and work week today by attending the funeral of my friend's daughter, Cali, who lived only seven days because of a heart defect. I arrived at the funeral feeling exhausted and overrun by my current stressors: work, school, and many other aspects of life. I was caught up in myself and my own problems.

Then I walked through the front doors of the church and things changed. You might say the viewing and funeral gave me what we therapists like to call a cognitive reframe. My problems and concerns didn't go away, but I was reminded of the perspective from which I ought to view my life. I was especially reminded of the miracle that life is.

As Cali's family spoke of her little life and how hard she fought to live during the days she was here, not only did I greatly admire their immense strength, but I reflected on my own life. I thought of when I was born with collapsed lungs and wasn't supposed to live. I thought of when I had bacterial spinal meningitis and wasn't supposed to live. How my IV broke and I almost bled to death and wasn't supposed to live. I thought of the times since when doctors said I shouldn't be alive. I thought of the times I didn't think I could make it one more day because of the pain or the sickness or whatever.

I wondered why I was left in mortality and why Cali was called home now. And it occurred to me how both Cali and I had a very specific mission, and God needed us each in a different place. He truly has a plan for each and every one of us.

I further pondered how frequently we take life for granted...how often we get so caught up in the daily routine and the struggles and frustrations that we completely forget the big picture, and we forget to cherish life. I know I'm guilty of that, especially lately.

I need to remember to find joy in the little things: the sun shining, laughing, having a good conversation with a friend, serving, having a client say "thank you," taking pictures, smiling. Life is hard, but we can find joy in the journey.

Paul said, "For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us." -Romans 8:18

It's the storms in our lives that refine us.

And then, this evening, I looked up at the mountains, and a rainbow shown through the clouds.

So Long to the Sights, Sounds, and Smells of Summer

As much as I love school, the beginning of classes always means bringing to a close the part of the year I live and breathe and yearn for: summer. And frankly, the thought of summer ending always takes me to the verge of tears. While I believe a lot of that is due to having Seasonal Affect Disorder, and it's scary to have to face the depression anew each fall, much of it also stems from the fact that I have always viewed summer as a mystical and magical time.

I daydream all year long about walking barefoot on hot sidewalks; floating on my back with eyes shut in the turquoise and rippling waters of the swimming pool; the sound of lawn mowers and the smell of freshly cut grass; coming home from bonfires, the smell of smoke lingering; fireworks lighting up the sky; the hot air enveloping me like the arms of a warm embrace; feelings of freedom, happiness, excitement, and love.

This year brought with it some different sights and sounds and smells than previous years and was not quite what I had envisioned, but has left me with a greater longing and nostalgia for what is now the past. Furthermore, it was one of the more enriching summers I have had.

This summer I got to spend my days in with some of the most amazing kids I have ever met, and to be completely honest, I forgot that I was their therapist on more than one occasion. Of course, as we all well know, kids say and do the darndest things, and I thought I'd highlight a few of my favorites here...

We were playing a the playground outside of a water park waiting to go in to play for the afternoon. One of the little autistic boys walked by. I called his name, and he turned towards me. I told him that I liked his shirt. He closed his eyes, and put his head back to bear the biggest ear-to-ear grin I have ever seen...and kept grinning...and grinning. He didn't move for a good 20-30 seconds. He just stood there, eyes closed and grinning. It had to be one of the cutest things I have ever seen, and I couldn't stop laughing for quite some time after.

***

Autistic kids are known to struggle a little bit (or a lot) socially. We had one boy in our class, who happened to have autism. He was one of the highlights of my job and made me laugh every day. I wish I could remember all of the things he said and did. There is one time I remember, though. We were doing an activity outside. This particular boy, was sitting down, and the girl he liked was standing next to him. She wasn't paying any attention to him and didn't even notice when he said this, but he looked up at her and completely sincerely asked, "Are you wearing deodorant or something good smelling today?" I had to try really hard to keep from laughing at the way he so genuinely asked such an awkward question.

***

One day I was talking with the kids about emotions in group therapy. I gave each kid a piece of paper that had different pictures with labeled emotions (happy, sad, scared, lonely, etc). I asked each kid to share about a time when they had felt one of those emotions, but I had a catch: no two kids could use the same emotion. Some of the kids shared some really touching experiences. We got to about the fourth kid, who was a boy who is typically pretty quiet and struggles with depression. He got this smirk on his face and said, "I feel attractive" and burst into giggle, as did the rest of us.

***

Kids have a way of pointing out the obvious at the most inconvenient times for adults. I guess one thing that was obvious to some was that my coworker, Alan, and I liked each other. Long before he and I ever talked about this long-standing fact, all of our classes were combined for the 4th of July Parade and Talent Show (which we held on my birthday...it was AWESOME). We had the kids sit in rows (by class) on the gym floor and their parents and families sat in the chairs behind them. The "teachers" (us) sat along the wall to the side of our classes. Alan's class sat right in front of mine, and so he and I ended up sitting by each other along the wall. Apparently one of my lovely, blunt little children couldn't contain it any longer and HAD to talk to me in the middle of the talent show.

She came over to me, and indicating towards Alan, asked, "Is he your husband?"

"No," I responded, glancing to see if Alan was listening to the conversation.

"Is he your boyfriend?"

I wish.

"No," I again responded, almost depressed that was the honest answer.

"Then who is he?" she asked.

Can't this kid just shut-up and go sit down?"

"Um...uh...he's just another teacher like me. Go sit back down."

Leave it to a child to unglue a typically composed and confident adult.

***

One of the most endearing experiences I had was with a little boy whose picture could be used as the definition of ADHD. The week previous, I had spent stayback with this little boy and his sister (stayback is for kids who did not earn a high enough level to go on the weekly activity). You would think the kid would have hated me after stayback (we made them do push-ups and sit-ups and write about why they had to be on stayback and sit still for excruciatingly long amounts of time, etc). However, somehow he decided that he loved me instead. We had all of the classes combined for gym that day, and we were playing warball (similar to dodge ball). After the first round, he ran up to me and said, "I want to be on your team" and simply joined our team. When I got out, I sat down against the wall. He got out around the same time I did, and came and sat right next to me, looked up at me and smiled, and simply laid his head on my shoulder. It was one of those moments that I longed to be able to take my kids home with me and take care of them forever.

***

My last day at Wasatch happened to also be the last day of our summer program, so in the morning, we did a carnival for our class. One of the festivities included fake tattoos. One of our kids is 12 and LDS. When we were asking the kids if they wanted fake tattoos, he responded, "I can't get a tattoo. I'm a deacon!"

***

Those are the moments that make this summer so hard to leave behind. Those moments, along with playing mancala and other games; those unique moments in our daily group therapy when the kids were really able to open up about their pain, their fears, their hopes; making felt snakes, marshmallow creatures, paper weights and play dough; the innumerable memories with my coworkers (the talks, the dietary restrictions we all had, going out outside of Stride, the struggles and triumphs, the drama).

I will also remember the rolling sounds of the metro, hailing taxis, and walking for miles on end in Washington DC. I will remember the new friends I made on my flights and throughout my trip. I'll remember the homeless man who gave us flowers, then asked if we were going to pay hm for them. I'll remember the historical monuments and the feelings of reverence in hallowed places.

I'll remember my trip to the other Washington...home to Spokane to be with family and friends.

I'll remember Memorial Day, Independence Day, and my birthday. Fireworks, festivities, friends, food, fun.

I'll remember the day I was able to go through the temple for the first time. I'll remember the peace and joy I felt that day and the Spirit I felt.

I'll remember playing my guitar, sitting out by the pool, late night conversations with friends, taking pictures, going for walks, hugs, movies, dancing around the coffee table to Johnny Cash, laughing, dreaming, hoping, and wishing on stars.

I'll remember these days, because they are days I could never forget.

29 Days and Counting and I need help!!

Dear friend or family member,

Graduate School at BYU is a wonderful experience. The masters level social work program is engaging and full of dynamic learning opportunities! In fact, this September I will have the privilege of traveling to the Ukraine under the direction of Dr. Judith Norman, a social work professor. In Ukraine I will take needed clothing and school supplies to multiple orphanages in Uzhhorod, Ukraine. Additionally, I will be presenting research about the mental health of Ukrainian orphanage children. Our purpose in so doing is to begin working towards having better trained mental health clinicians in Ukraine, as well as move towards implementing an infrastructure that will allow the children to be placed in more permanent home settings. Ultimately the objective of our visit will be to support the Ukrainian government and its citizens in developing a friendlier approach to childhood care within their country.

My reason for sending you this letter is to petition a monetary donation. Not for the orphans of Ukraine but rather for me personally. Traveling internationally for two weeks is extremely expensive and I am fortunate to have a large portion of my travel expenses subsidized by research grants. However, I am still short about $1,000, and the trip is less than a month away. If you are willing and able to donate a monetary contribution to this cause please do so by sending a check to:
380 N 1020 E #315
Provo, UT 84606

Or you can make a donation to my paypal account on this blog. There is a donation button in the upper right-hand corner.

If this petition poses any type of conflict simply do not contribute.

Thank you kindly,

LaDawn Park
lawdyda@gmail.com

August 13th and so forth

So, basically I suck at this blogging thing, but I keep pluggin' away...well, occasionally, that is.

August 13th was my last day as a Family/Child Therapist Intern at Wasatch Mental Health. It was really hard for my to leave both my clients and coworkers. I was so skeptical of working at Wasatch again and honestly, hated it in the beginning. However, then I started the Summer Stride Program, which is a day treatment program for kids ages 5-12 (I worked with a group of 8-12 year olds). Anyway, I fell in love with my job in Stride...great kids, great program, great coworkers! Loved it, loved it, loved it! I want so badly to go back and stay forever. But, alas, I have to begin my next internship at Utah County Division of Substance Abuse. I'm sure it will be a good experience, but I am sure going to miss my kids and coworkers at Wasatch.

August 13th was also the day I flew to Spokane to surprise Jabe (my nephew) for his 10th birthday. Reshanna and Ryan picked me up from the airport late that night. They didn't recognize me...seriously, who doesn't recognize their sister?!?! Anyway, I slept out in their 5th wheel that night, and in the morning, Reshanna told Jabe that he could open one of his presents, but that it was too big to wrap, so she left it on the bed in the camper. Jabe said it was the best birthday surprise and overall best birthday ever!

My trip was AMAZING and I got to do lots of great things like learn how to skateboard (sort of...I pretty much sucked, but Jabe said I did great for a newbie), went out to ice cream (and yes, I paid for it later), fishing, birthday, a wedding reception, basketball, movies, swimming, Silverwood Theme Park, and lots of other amazing stuff. It was hard to come back home after the trip.

Anyway, there's a quick update!

Current Events

Every Tuesday I work from about 8 to 8. I get done with Stride (the day treatment gropu for 8-12 year olds that I'm a therapist for) at 3, and then I run parenting group from 5:20-7. Sometimes I have clients during that inbetween time, but today, nothing. And it seems that most of the office is gone, and I am trying desparately not to fall asleep in my windowless office. I guess I could start playing with the toys on my bookshelves, but I thought I'd write on here instead.

There have been a few interesting happenings in my life the past few weeks, and two stories in specific that were especially exciting. We will call the first story The Tree. The second story will be called Crochet Hooks, Smoke Alarms, and Firemen.

THE TREE

Saturday, June 13th was a stormy day. My roommate, Shannon, had left earlier in the day to go to the Draper Temple and had been gone for quite sometime. I was preparing to go to the Provo Temple, and had finished getting dressed and brushing my teeth. I grabbed my bag and my keys, opened the front door, and was about to walk down the stairs, when I saw it.

The big tree in front of our stairwell had fallen. Because Shannon was being blessed for going to the temple, it fell right in her parking spot while she was away. Either side of the tree rested on my car and our neigbor's car.

I called the emergency maintenance line and left a message, and they actually responded! After chopping up the tree and clearing the debri, I went to inspect my car. Not one scratch!!! My neighbor's car only suffered a bent antenna.

The End.

Oh, one more thing. Now we park on the other side of the parking lot.

Crochet Hooks, Smoke Alarms, and Firemen

So, it was nearing 11 o' clock on Tuesday, June 23rd, and I had just finished dinner and was sitting there crocheting a square for Warm Up America, when the fire alarms in our apartment started sounding. This had happened before, but just when the hair dryer was being used for a long period of time. So, we start investigating, and there are no signs of a fire. Unbeknownst to me, one of my roommates turned off the AC to see if that would change anything. A few minutes later, I decide to turn on the AC to see if will do anything. Voila! The alarms turned off. But then, our lights all start flickering. We go to a couple of our neighbors' places to see if they are having similar problems. They aren't. And when we get back to our apartment, the alarms are going off again. I try the AC trick again, and it works. And then a third time. We are all getting frustrated at this point in time and just want to be able to go to sleep in peace and quiet, but we aren't really sure what's wrong.

My roommate, Melinda, calls her dad, and after leaving a message on our emergency maintenance line ("Please leave a message about your emergency..." People!!!), I texted my coworker Alan (aka Mr. Knows How to do Everything). Melinda's dad originally thinks there is dust or spiders in the alarms, and the AC is triggering it. But she forgot to tell him about the lights and stuff. So, she's talking to him, and Alan calls me and walks me through several different possibilities. I even take apart one of the fire alarms to see if it's battery powered, but it's not. Both Alan and Melinda's dad come to the conclusion that there is some sort of wiring short going on (which can cause electrical fires...lovely) and both recommend we call the fire dispatch to come check it out. So, then we spend forever trying to find the number for fire dispatch (Alan tried looking on both of his computers, but both of his computers decided to stop working as we spoke), I'm looking stuff up on the internet, my roommates are looking in the phone book.

Finally, Melinda just calls BYU police and somehow gets connected to Provo Fire Dispatch. Alan decides to stay on the phone with me until everything gets worked out, and my roommates and I go chill in the parking lot, as the alarms won't turn off at this point in time.

A fire truck comes, with four firemen all decked out for a forest fire. They go investigate the apartment. They come back a little later saying the fire alarm in my room was setting off all the others, and so they disconnected and reconnected it and said it should be fine.

Finally, everything was fine. That is, until about 30 seconds after the fire truck left and I got off the phone with Alan, and the alarms started going off again. After exploring another few options, fire dispatch ends up having to come back.They confirm Alan and Melinda's dad's hypothesis of a wiring problem and end up having to completely disable the fire alarm in my bedroom. They tell me to call maintenance again and leave a message about the fire department having to come twice and that they better be at our apartment ASAP in the morning and that the fire department will be following up mid-morning to make sure they are in compliance with fire codes.

So, for safety precaution (in case there did end up being an electrical fire and no longer having a fire alarm in my room), we all end up pulling out our mattresses and sleeping in the living room and get to bed around 2.

The end.

My music!

All of the music on my blog is now music I have written and recorded.

An update on my life for friends and family

Dear ___________(insert your name here...see, it's personal!),

I know it's been awhile since I've given many of you an update on my life, so I thought I'd send you all an email (sorry it's in mass form). As you will see, if you take the time to read this email, I have been staying EXTREMELY busy, and I apologize for not staying in as good of contact as I should. For those of you who just want to skim, I've bolded and enlarged the main points. :o)

I am currently working at Wasatch Mental Heatlh again, but now working as a therapist in the Children and Family Division. It's definitely a big change from working as a case manager for adults. I still haven't decided if I like it or not. I guess it's enjoyable enough, but still not what I plan to stick with for a career.

Some of you have asked about my D.C. trip, and I haven't really told you anything, so here's the super short Reader's Digest version. (For those of you who don't know, I went out to DC for 5 days to present research at the Global Awareness Society International conference.) The trip was AMAZING!!! I absolutely LOVED D.C. and I really didn't want to come back. I'll be honest, it took a few days to get used to how crowded and loud and crazy it was, but then I loved it. We saw and did a lot of amazing things and met a lot of amazing people. We made it to Virginia, D.C., Maryland, Delaware, Pennsylvania, and New Jersey. Some of the stuff we did: toured Philly and the historic sights there (Independence Hall, Liberty Bell, Benjamin Franklin's grave, Betsy Ross' house, ate Philly Cheesesteak sandwiches and a million other things), saw Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian at the Smithsonian, toured some of the Smithsonian museums, went to Mt. Vernon, saw Washington Monument, Abe Lincoln Memorial, and several of the war memorials, went to the conference we were there for of course :o), wandered the streets of D.C. exploring, rode planes and taxis and metros and buses and trains and did lots and lots of walking, did some shopping, met up with some of my friends that live out there, and ate tons of food that was out of this world! I met several awesome friends on our flight, train rides, and just in the streets of DC and Philly, and am now keeping in touch with my new friends. I'm currently considering moving out to DC while I work on my LCSW (Licensed Clinical Social Worker license).

The week after I got back from DC, I had the honor of being named Editor in Chief for Clergy Bridge!! I am SUPER excited, although the responsibility is a bit overwhelming. My main responsibilities right now are to edit the manual we have created and to do extensive revision for our next edition. I also need to find a team of writers and editors to work for me, so I'm not rewriting the entire manual by myself every year! If you want to check out our organization, go to clergbridge.org or clergybridge.com. We should be up and running as a non-profit come Fall semester.

Towards the end of Winter semester, I was elected as BYU's representative for the National Association of Social Work (NASW), and so I am starting to fulfill those responsibilites and get acquainted with my duties. Some of the stuff I will be doing, is attending NASW meetings and orientations, conducting a NASW membership drive at BYU, putting together a lecture series at BYU, and getting BYU students involved with lobbying and policy making at the state capitol. I'm already loving it and am excited to get more involved!

I'm also serving as an assistant to our program's activity coordinator, Suzette, which is a blast!! We've had some really fun activities such as roller blading/biking down Provo Canyon, picnics, temple trips, weekly lunches during the class semesters, and hikes. Next week, I will be heading a class bonfire (our last one was a huge success!), and for Indepedence Day, we will be putting on a breakfast at the Provo Balloon Festival. It should be awesome! We're also looking to plan a graduation trip for our class. Our two main ideas for consideration are Disney Land (a lot of my classmates have kids) or a family cruise.

A few weeks before DC, Jesse (one of my best friends in the program), Dr. Norman, and I got our plane tickets for Ukraine!!! Jesse and I are WAY excited to go, and he and I are working on preparing our presentation as well as a paper for publication on mental health in Ukranian orphanage children! It's so much fun, and I am in love with the research as well as my kids over there!! Also, I'm am still working on the sock drive for the kids. We have 600 pairs of socks so far, and my goal is 2,000. I am determined to make it! I have recently had several people and wards enlist their help in raising socks, so that's exciting! I even have some friends in Spokane interested in helping, so that helps solidify my plan to fly up in August to surprise my nephew, Jabe, for his 10th birthday! I'm psyched! By the way, if any of you want to be involved with raising socks or know anyone who does, let me know!!

I also recently got enlisted to help with the production of a series of meditation CDs. I will be writing all of the music for it and have about a week and a half to do that! I am working with Jesse, a professor from UVU (Dr. Lloyd White, one of the pioneers in youth treatment programs), and Lloyd's son-in-law, Geno, who has done a lot of work with biofeedback. Lloyd has also invited me to write part of his next book. I told him I would think about it...I'm not sure I have time.

In the fall, I will begin my research/PhD emphasis in the program. I am so excited about it! I never knew how much I would fall in love with research!! I am currently looking into different PhD programs, which I plan to begin 2 years after graduation (when I will licensed as an LCSW). I am considering all of the top 10 schools including Washington University at St. Louis, University of Michigan, Columbia, University of Southern California, University of Washington, UC-Berkley, and a few others.

So, yeah, those are a few of the things I've been doing. :o) Of course, once in awhile, I take time for my personal life and go on dates, hang out with friends, go to movies, go swimming, church activities, etc.

Anyway, I hope all of you are doing well! I'll try to be better about keeping in touch!